Thursday, August 4, 2016

Simple Tip for Easing into Anal Play

So, here's my confession. Although I enjoy anal sex and anal play, I'm squeamish about "giving" far more so than receiving (which I actually enjoy). This made me feel somewhat restricted and ungenerous as a lover, because the one time I actually did rim HotRod with a finger during oral, he made a clear point of telling me afterward how much he enjoyed it. I wanted to be able to give someone as much pleasure as they were willing to give me, but that didn't seem to help me overcome my feelings of visceral discomfort about penetrating a partner anally.

So, this is how I was able to problem-solve to address both my anxious feelings, which restricted me and resulted in regret that I was holding back on something I wanted to do, and also address my partner's desire to get as good as he gives when it comes to anal play and stimulation.

On the one "hand"--no pun intended--I felt self-conscious with the idea of surgical gloves; but on the other, I just have never been able to make myself comfortable with the idea of anal play bare-handed. Oddly, I don't mind when I'm receiving. I am completely aware my aversion is not rational. In my case it's completely emotional. And if I could just "get over it," I would. But that hasn't happened. So, intervention, not wishful thinking, was needed. It was time for me to stand up and own it.

That being said, I lit up at the grocery store a few weeks ago when I was looking for a product in the pharmacy section and found these baby finger condoms: Flent's Finger Covers. Seriously--I'd never seen these before; but then, I'd never looked for or needed something like this. I was surprised but also thought they were somewhat funny considering what I immediately thought of using them for. I don't recall now if I bought them immediately or waited till next trip to the store to pick them up, but part of it was the self-douting script in my head "Will I be brave enough to actually pull them out in front of my partner and use them?" They're not exactly an item that screams "spontaneity!" There was no way to open a box and slide on one of these babies discreetly and unnoticed. It was an action I was going to have to step up and own like a boss.

While it was true it meant owning my irrational feelings, it also meant showing my partner that I did want to be more bold and, if not overcome, at least try and mitigate my personal insecurities in this area.

So, last night on date night, I was being guided into oral, and I stopped and simply said, "I bought something." Just saying it made me smile, and he knew it was something fun. So, I pulled them out, and he laughed with me. Apparently someone had bought them for him once as a joke--the idea being he should use them as condoms. But he completely understood my meaning with them, and I admitted why I'd bought them, and that I couldn't wait to finally be able to engage as I'd wanted to, without trepidation.

On his end, if he had any reservations or issues with it, he seemed completely comfortable, which is one of the things I enjoy about him--his openness and acceptance. His attitude encourages and emboldens me.

But technically speaking, "finger condoms" are exactly that. You put it on the tip of your finger and roll it down, exactly as you would put on a condom--except that you won't need a reservoir tip. Be aware they aren't lubricated, so you'll need to bring your favorite personal lubricant to the table. In fact, if you don't keep lubricant handy, why not?! I can't remember ever saying "Darn! I wish we didn't have lubricant on hand." But if you've ever not had it when you wanted it...

At any rate, here is one pulled out of the package, with a pen for scale:


And here it is slipped onto one finger:


Lesson Learned: I recommend to go ahead and put one on the index and middle finger to start, because that will be much easier than putting one on the middle finger after you've started and had the bright idea "I think two fingers would be better here."

Go on, and slap on two of these puppies, add lubricant, and you're good to go, assuming your partner isn't allergic to latex! And you might want to ask about that before you "go too deep." If there are any issues with standard latex, you can actually buy these in other materials, such as Nitrile. There is also something called a "counting" finger cot that is textured a bit like a thimble, which might spice things up a little if it's textured enough and your partner is sensitive? If you want more stimulation from your finger cover, there are even covers designed specifically for sexy time. And, they come in colors! There's probably a near-infinite market of what is, or could be, designed in this area.

At any rate, if you're slightly shy about diving into anal play, this could be a useful product to help you segue into new areas of fun and pleasure for your partner.

-MK

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